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I have become the woman I’ve
wanted -
Older, wiser, soft body delighted
Cracked up by life.
With a laugh that’s known
bitter
But past it, got better.
Knows she’s a survivor.
That whatever comes –
She can outlast it.
I have become a deep weathered
basket.
I have become the woman I’ve
longed for –
The motherly lover with arms
Strong and tender.
The growing up learner
Who blushes surprises.
I have become full moon and sunrises.
I find her becoming,
This woman I’ve wanted.
Who knows she’ll encompass
Who knows where she’s going
And travels with passion.
Who remembers she’s precious,
But knows she’s not scarce.
Who knows she is plenty –
Plenty to share.
IfSpeak
People say that kids speak a different language than adults do. Those people are right. Talk to any 6
or 7-year-old for any length of time and you will hear IfSpeak. "What if that flower got so tall that you could climb up it
so that you could catch a ride on the wing of an airplane?" "And what if that airplane landed on Mars?" "And what if the only
way you could get back from there was to pay a Martian to bring you, but they don't use dollars for money, but teeth instead?
Would you pull out your teeth to get back here?" When you're a little kid, EVERYthing is possible. Everything is IF. I think
that maybe growing up is a gradual but persistent closing of the mind to possibilities. It becomes so narrow -- the thought
of what is possible -- that you never think of IF anymore because you think you already know all the answers. Big mistake.
Everything is still possible, which is what makes life so fun and scary at the same time. What if...
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After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining
a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t
mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and present aren’t
promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
Futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn and you learn.
With every goodbye, you learn.
*********
When a woman asks...
When a woman asks, “what are you thinking,” she wants to hear your
voice. She wants, in a manner of speaking, to touch and be touched. She wants to feel connected, assured of your presence
and interest.
Say something sweet – “You” is a lovely place to start –
something lighthearted, something more convivial than “work” or “TV” or, worst of all, “nothing.”
You need not chatter on at length, and you ought to end whatever you say by
asking her the same question. Many, many women consider this sort of exchange to be heart-warming, even intimate.
And many, many men fail to grasp that foreplay begins long before you hit the
sheets.
**********
**********
**********
Going... Going... Gone!
"Mommy, will you take me...?" When Danny was three, this was his
constant, daily refrain, and sometimes I though I'd scream if I heard it one more time. From the moment he learned that there
was a marvelous, exciting world outside his own cozy home, he viewed every waking minute as an opportunity to be going somewhere.
"Mommy, will you take me outside to play?" Undaunted by weather,
he'd look out the window at the falling rain until I'd give in and grab an umbrella. As soon as he was big enough to be outdoors
alone, our safely fenced backyard couldn't hold a candle to the swings at the park. "Can't we go to the store?" he'd beg,
when my own idea of a good time was to grocery shop alone. I'd insist that Mommy had work to do, but Danny always had other
plans.
When Danny was abut nine, I noticed that the question had changed.
Instead of "Mommy, will you take me...," it became, "Mom, can I go...?" "Can I go to play at Steven's?" "Can I go on my bike
up to the school?" "Can I go play video games at 7-11?" His world had now stretched to the neighborhood and beyond,
without Mom along.
Danny is sixteen now and I just realized that the old familiar question
is in its third and final variation. "Mom, I'm going now. OK?"
At first, I'd bristle every time he said that. "Just a minute,"
I'd challenge, "you want to rephrase that?"
"Mother dear, may I PLEASE have your permission...?," he'd amend,
softening his 16-year-old's sarcasm with a smile and maybe a quick kiss on my cheek. "I'm going now. OK?"
There's no doubt about it, 16-year-olds are headed out the door;
home is a stopover for an occasional meal, a shower, clean clothes. Not counting the hours he was asleep, Danny was home yesterday
a grand total of two hours and five minutes.
A crazy job, parenting. Do it well and you put yourself out of business.
"Mommy, will you take me...?" "Mom, can I go...?" "I'm going now. OK?" I realized that the form of the question has marked
my son's journey toward adulthood and independence. The "OK" is perfunctory, a courtesy that won't be there long. I just have
to remind myself that I must be doing something right.
**********
She lived measuring heself by her own criteria rather than the judgements of others.
She laughed deeply, cried readily, and folded herself passionately into chosen arms.
She lived vitally and acted on impulse.
She managed her days as if she were at game: coach and player both and hard at it.
She knelt to be like children and stood tall to aspire to certain greatness.
No one liked well her fury but rather loved to be lavished by her generosities.
She learned as well as she taught, but never learned the grace of ease with error -- she
preferred to be perfect. We did not often tell her wasn't.
And while she was not perfect -- she longed to love perfectly, protect and inspire those
she cherished and those whom she named "friend."
Our days shine less brightly with her absent them.
**********
Oh, the comfort -- the inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person. Having neither to weight thoughts, Nor measure words -- but pouring them all right out -- just as they
are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them -- keep what is worth keeping -- and
with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
**********
I do so love my friends whose spirituality does not eclipse their sense of humor.
**********
One time, the people who lived across the street sold their house and moved away. The
new owners tore the house down to build something better. This was a house I had seen every day for years and years. It seemed
permanent, a fixture in my life. But houses are permanent. A wrecking ball or a strong storm can destroy a house. The same
is true for a family. After awhile, I got used to having nothing there until I couldn't even really remember what it had been
like when it existed. Eventually, the new owners built something different on that spot. A new thing to replace the old.
Real Live Woman
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PHENOMENAL WOMAN
By Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size.
But when I start to tell them, they think I’m telling lies…
I say –
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my steps,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman.
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.
I walk into a room, just as cool as you please,
And to a man, the fellows stand or fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, a hive of honey bees...
I say –
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman.
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered what they see in me.
They try so much, but they can’t touch the inner mystery.
When I try to show them, they say they still can’t see…
I say –
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman. Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.
Now you understand just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing, it ought to make you proud…
I say –
It’s in the click of my heels,
The toss of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
Cause I’m a woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.
**********
There are three kinds of people in the world --
Those who can do math and those who can't.
**********
I will choose what enters me, what becomes flesh of my flesh.
Without choice, no politics, no ethics lives. I am not your cornfiled, not your uranium mine, not your calf for fattening,
not your cow for milking. You may not use me as your factory. Priests and legislators do not hold sahres in my womb or my
mind. This is my body. If I give it to you, I want it back. My life is a non-negotiable demand.
--- Marge Perry
**********
Breathe
Stress - nectar of negativity -- permeates the mind, poisons
the body,
naked eyes deluded, see no other reality.
Breathe ladles of innocence, purify the air.
Invincible spirit evokes transcendent Grace.
Breathe deeply and on purpose.
Breathe courage and clarity.
Breathe willingness and wisdom.
Breath is life pulsating.
Breath is love flowing.
Breath is you being.
**********
Our Commitment
What can we ask of each other?
To simply laugh ~
To love as deeply as is possible ~
To answer on another with integrity ~
To trust as far as our hearts can willingly go ~
If there is more to ask of love,
We will choose the questions together.
**********
She danced.
She sang.
She took.
She gave.
She served.
She loved.
She created.
She dissented.
She enlivened.
She saw.
She grew.
She sweated.
She changed.
She learned.
She laughed.
She shed her skin.
She bled on the pages of her days.
She walked through walls.
She lived with intention.
**********
You are an extraordinary woman. How can you
expect to lead an ordinary life?
------ Louisa May Alcott
**********
"There is no use trying," said Alice. "I cannot
believe impossible things."
"I dare say you haven't had much practice,"
said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six
impossible things before breakfast."
--- Lewis Carroll, from Alice in Wonderland
**********
i like to feel the spine of your body and its bones,
and the trembling -- firm -- smoothness and which
I will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you
-- ee cummings
**********
Chocolate makes my clothes shrink.
**********
There are three sides to every story -- mine, yours &
the truth.
None of them are lies.
We just hold memories differently.
**********
Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.
It's not a life goal.
*******************************
Let your life speak.
***********
Unanswered questions are better than unquestioned answers.
************
Leave Brave Memories.
********************
Follow the Rules.
But first -- make them up.
*****************
Home is where your story begins.
********************
If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna be trouble.
********
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When Sean was a baby, I carried him everywhere. He liked being carried and
those were busy times. Danny and Kendra were active in everything so we were always going places. Colin wanted to be carried,
too, but he could walk and Sean couldn't.
Sean was only two when we started getting foster kids. He needed lots of extra
attention and so I still held him in my lap alot, even though I couldn't carry him around as much.
One day, when Sean was about four, I went to pick him up from Mother's Day
Out and it had been raining. The parking lot was like a little lake. I picked him up to carry him to the car. Even though
I was carrying him, his legs had gotten so long that his feet ended up getting wet anyway.
He had outgrown my arms.
Children outgrow parents so much more quickly than parents outgrow children.
**********
I am part of what is called the Baby Boom Generation. For some reason, pundits
must find a name for each generation and I suppose that “baby boomers” is a better moniker somehow than “generation
Xers.” Actually, I’ve always felt privileged to be a baby boomer and, indeed, there really has never been a more
fortunate generation.
Baby boomers did not have to face
the tests of mettle of their parents’ generation, who knew about war shortages, bread lines, and depression. Nor have
we had the shadowed existence of our children. Ours was the last generation of kids to ride bikes without helmets or pagers
or cell phones. We had childhoods before crime and sex before AIDS. We believed that drugs could be recreational and drinking
could be only social. And for those who avoided being drafted to go to VietNam, the great formative trauma we faced was waiting
in long lines for gas. What a charmed, deluded life we led!
Yes, I have been very blessed. I really did have the Donna Reid-Leave it to
Beaver-Ozzie and Harriet childhood I watched in flickering images on our television set. But our entire generation did not
grow up like this. The 50s may have been a peaceful prosperous decade, but we had duck-and-cover drills every week throughout
my school years. The 60s may have been a time of free love and drugs, but it was also a time of civil upheaval. My grandchildren
may grow up thinking that our country was always like this, but baby boomers know better. We remember segregation and the
riots and busing and poll taxes and all the rest. We remember the Weathermen and the Black Panthers and the SLA. We remember
when a woman’s place was in the home and domestic violence was solved in the home by a tyranny of secrecy.
And we have known death. First, there was Kennedy, then King, and then Kennedy
again. And friends. And parents. And children.
Gone. That’s what death is. More than anything else. That’s what
it is. Gone. Disappeared. Erased. In its usual places, the beloved person cannot be found.
People are forever changed by grief. And changed people change the way the
world is, the kind of place it becomes. Getting on with life is not the same as getting over loss.
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"Any idiot can face a crisis: It is this day to day living that wears you out." -- Chekhov.
"Neither charm nor patience nor endurance has ever wrested power from those who hold it." -- Frederick Douglass.
Russell Baker, 1987: "We honor ambition, we reward greed, we celebrate materialism, we worship acquisitiveness,
we commercialize art, we cherish success and then we bark at the young about the gentle arts of the spirit. The kids know
that if we really valued learning, we would pay our teachers what we pay our lawyers and stockbrokers. If we valued art, we
would not measure it by its capacity to produce profits. If we regarded literature as important, we would remove it from the
celebrity sweepstakes and spend a little money on our libraries."
Bob Eckhardt, on the occasion of the Texas legislature voting to cut off aid to illegitimate children: "I am not
so much concerned about the natural bastards as I am about the self-made ones."
Abbie Hoffman: "Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger."
"The only kinds of fights worth fighting are those your are going to lose, because somebody has to fight them and lose
and lose and lose until someday, somebody who believes as you do wins. In order for somebody to win an important, major fight
100 years hence, a lot of other people have got to be willing -- for the sheer fun and joy of it -- to go right ahead and
fight, knowing you're going to lose. You mustn't feel like a martyr. You've got to enjoy it." -- I.F. Stone.
"Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature." -- Samuel Butler.
Marianne Moore: "It is a privilege to see so much confusion."
"A time comes when silence is betrayal. Even when pressed by the demands of inner truth, men do not easily assume the task
of opposing their government's policy, especially in time of war. Nor does the human spirit move without great difficulty
against all the apathy of conformist thought, within one's own bosom and in the surrounding world." -- Dr. M.L. King Jr.
The enemy is not conservatism. The enemy is not liberalism. The enemy is bullshit." -- Lars Erik Nelson.
"Status quo is Latin for 'the mess we're in."' -- A Texas farmer.
OK — you have to stop the q-tip when there's resistance.
Not if your IQ is above room temperature
Someone woke up on the wrong side of no one...
I bet you're great in bed. Think of all those position you can get into without a spine.
Not since Rolf blew that whistle in the Sound of Music have I witnessed such betrayal.
I can't speak for your father. I know too many words.
(after an insult) I'm going to find a way to sidestep another dance with you around that bitter tree.
My life is so bad that I have to take an escalator just to get up to hell.
Lick it. Put a stamp on it. And send it to someone who gives a shit.
The first person to put the "great" in front of "Britain" probably meant it as a joke.
If they could bottle you, I'd spritz some on right now.
We have entered the twilight zone of humanity. Let us bow our head in a moment of silent prayer.
When will you talk to her? When I can use a Ouija board.
Were you absent the day they taught "think it, don't say it?"
From the pages of the medical journal "Duh"
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?
I haven't had sex in so long, I wonder if maybe they changed it.
Due to cost reductions, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.
How nice that you were able to get that house off you in time for...
I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
You wanna talk? Sure -- you've got your dental records, don't you?
Sybil? Can you have _______ come out now?
Next time, instead of breaking the prozac in half...
You're crazy. Oh yeah? Well, the voices in my head disagree.
I'm a big girl now. Oh yeah? compared to what?
I hate you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns
He's so anal retentive, he couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture
I am an observer, not a participant in the hellish hurricanes of others
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself
She's so ugly that when her parents try to leave the pet store with her, alarms go off (sir, you need
to pay for that thing)
Pack your bags -- we're going on a guilt trip.
She can always dress to kill when she wants to , but honest, this is going to be mass murder. |
Sex will get you through times without money better than money will get you through times without sex.
He likes things quiet. His idea of marriage is to spray WD40 on anything that squeaks.
He repeated to me something I'd said to him weeks before. That's when I fell in love with him. I felt like I'd died and
gone to the planet of men who listen.
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THOSE Parents!
Some random thoughts about the parents of the 10-year-old boy with cerebral
palsy who left him at a hospital the day after Christmas with his toys, medical supplies, and a note saying that they could
no longer take care of him…
Although the news media reported this story with the same contempt with which
they might report the acts of a serial killer, I can guarantee that there were two very different sets of reactions among
viewers. For those who are not parents or those who parent “typical” kids, the reaction was one of disgust mixed
with superiority (“I would NEVER do such a thing. There is no punishment bad enough for what they’ve done.”)
But the reaction of most parents of children with disabilities was quite different – more along the lines of “there
but fortune, go I.”
Reporters loved to emphasize the fact that Richard and Dawn Kelso live in a
big house and drive luxury cars and are well-educated, the implication being that they are just rich and selfish. No one emphasized
the fact that these parents were heroic in some ways. They did not kill their child or abuse him. They did not drop him off
of a cliff or in a river or even on the side of the road. They took him to a hospital where he had been many times before
– a place where well-trained people knew him.
Reporters interviewed sanctimonious professionals who clucked their shame at
the parents and pointed out that help was available to parents who feel overwhelmed. Help? Who are they kidding? Oh sure,
they have programs. They also have budget problems, shortages of trained professionals, and income guidelines that clients
have to meet. Yeah, maybe if the Kelsos have known where to look, how to beg a LOT and had the money to pay for private care,
they would have found that such care is really nonexistent at the end of that rainbow.
One professional, the executive director of the Pennsylvania protection and
advocacy agency, who really should have known better, said, “There are a ton of services out there for parents to access
that kind of thing. It is sometimes difficult and very bureaucratic to get that help, but if you keep pushing for it, you
can get it.” Gosh, if only the Kelso had taken time off from bathing and feeding and diapering and ventilator clearing
for their son, they could have “pushed” to get services for “that kind of thing.”
YOU try this: You take a ten year old child who is nonverbal, not toilet trained,
five feet tall and completely mobile. YOU try to stay awake during her every waking moment, which is about 21 hours out of
every day. YOU collapse from exhaustion and wake up to find her feces smeared all over the bedroom. YOU try to clean up the
mess while she laughs hysterically. YOU clean her up while she bites and hits and kicks. YOU feed her only to find the meal
all over you and the room. YOU do that. Do it for a week – a day. And YOU try to find an agency to help.
Stephen Sheridan, the executive director of the United Cerebral Palsy Association
of Philadelphia said this about the Kelso case: “Caring for a disabled child is a lifelong responsibility. It’s
early in the morning until late at night, every day of the week, every week of the year. If you do that morning and night
every day of your life, it could be awfully draining.” Oh really? Ya don’t say.
Last year, a man in Kentucky who had been widowed shot himself and his 35 year
old disabled son when the son was put on a years-long waiting list for residential placement. Should I have been shocked?
I sure wasn’t.
Twenty years ago, children with severe disability were institutionalized. Now,
deinstitutionalization puts the responsibility on parents. There is not enough government assistance, private agencies are
short-staffed nightmares, and schools are a battleground.
The Kelsos were charged with misdemeanor child abandonment and conspiracy.
If I were them, I’d stay in jail, go on a hunger strike and kick and scream until the rest of you were finally shocked
enough to pay attention.
**********
You know in your soul that the only way to live your life is to really truly live it.
Run from safety. There is no living there.
Lean into your fears. Dare them to do their worst and cut them down when they try. If you don't, they'll clone themselves.
They'll mushroom till they surround you, choke the road to the life you want. Every turn you fear is just empty air, dressed
to look like jagged hell. Overcome fear: Behold wonder.
You are loving, warm, witty, resourceful, kind, inquisitive, sensual, intelligent, creative, calm, many-faceted, free,
open, outgoing, responsive, scintillating, practical, delightful, beautiful, positive, talented, articulate, orderly, insightful,
mysterious, curious, lighthearted, unpredictable, powerful, determined, adventurous, earnest, sincere, unafraid and wise.
Sometimes you think you are odd and different and you feel like an outsider, but that was before you met your family. Home
is the known and the loved. What you truly know and deeply love, that is home. Home is a certain order that's dear to us,
where it's safe to be who you are. For all of us, this ritual tonight is home.
**********
You will feel light tonight. You will feel as if a light is inside you. You will feel as if you swallowed a star. Hold
on to that image. A dazzling star inside you. You are not looking for the light -- You are the light.
**********
Choose your life. Ask for change. Ask what you love. find it. Hurl yourself into the world that matters most to you. Fight
the dragons that you think can eat you up. Inch yourself out on the cliffsides, clinging by the tips of your skill a thousand
feet over destruction. You can do it because you life is there and you have to bring it home from terror. choice. Choose what
you love and chase it at top speed.
You don't have to work to put yourself into the worst possible situation you can imagine. Whenever you forget your magick,
that happens by itself. the tools you can use to help you out of any place you don't want to be and into anyplace you do want
to be --- choice and change. Use these tools without fear.
Your security comes from you. Not from any other person. You are responsible. Security is a by-product of the gift you
give of your skill and your learning and your love into the world. Security comes from an idea given time and care.
**********
We all know the shape of the earth. But the shape of society is a different thing altogether. Society is shaped like a
pyramid. At the bottom of the pyramid is the lowest life-form you can imagine, hateful, vicious, destroying for destruction's
sake, no empathy, one step above consciousness, so savage it self-destructs the instant it's born. At the top is consciousness
so refined it barely recognizes anything but light. Beings who live for their loves, for their highest right, creatures of
perfect perspective, who die with a loving smile upon whatever monster would strike them down for the fun of watching someone
die.
Life does not require us to be consistent, cruel, patient, helpful, angry, rational, thoughtless, loving, rash, open-minded,
neurotic, careful, rigid, tolerant, wasteful, rich, downtrodden, gentle, sick, considerate, funny, stupid, healthy, greedy,
beautiful, lazy, responsive, foolish, sharing, pressured, intimate, hedonistic, industrious, manipulative, insightful, capricious,
wise, selfish, kind or sacrificed. Life does, however, require us to live with the consequences of our choices.
When we put up with any situation that we don't have to put up with, its not because we're dumb. We put up with it because
we want the lesson that only that situation can teach, and we want it more than freedom itself.
**********
There is no such thing as good and evil. There is only happy and unhappy. It is completely subjective.
**********
Perspective — use it or lose it. Don't forget that what is going on around you is not reality.
**********
Remember where you came from, where you're going and why you created the messyou got yourself into in the first place.
**********
Take your dying with some seriousness. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced
life-forms, and they'll call you crazy.
**********
Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others
that they know just as well as you. We are all learners, doers, teachers.
**********
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not onnly
impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah.
**********
You teach best what you most need to learn.
**********
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world. Even if what is published is not true.
**********
Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members
of the same family grow up under the same roof.
**********
You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work at it, though.
**********
Every person, all the events in your life, are there because you have drawn then there. What you choose to do with them
is up to you.
**********
Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or
lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.
**********
The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of
the world, the master calls a butterfly.
-- Richard Bach
**********
I see religion, magick and wisdom-in-living as being united in the way one views the world and lives within it —
a world view and philosophy which i identify as witchcraft, my natural craft.
I practice my rites to attune myself with the natrual rhythm of life forces marked by the phases of the Moon
I acknowledge a depth of power far greater than is apparent to the average person. Because it is far greater than ordinary,
it is sometimes called "supernatural" but I see it as lying withing that which is natural potential to all.
**********
is my heart half full of the love you gave me? Or is it half empty because your love is gone?
**********
Lay your troubles on my shoulder. Put your worries in my pocket. Rest your love on me awhile.
**********
Some things are meant to be and one of them is you and me.
**********
A witch seeks to control the forces within herself that make life possible in order to live wisely and well, without harm
to others.
**********
The moment I tell you about a problem, its half solved.
***********
Conjuring balance is not a simple matter until you realize that balnace already exists — you simply have to tap into
it.
**********
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaving and company doesn't always mean security
And you begin to learnthat kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept you defeats with your head up and you eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child
And you learnto build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn thta you really can endures, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn. With every goodbye, you learn.
**********
What is your deepest dream? Ask yourself this question every day of your life. And delve down deeply, discover the underlying
essence, the core elements of the dream. And then Open...Open, Open to Possibilities.
Begin to think anew. Realize that your dream s a dream in process, a vision in progress. And while it may unfold in a different
form than you had imagined, you can take the essence, shape it, mold it, allow it grow, change, to blossom forth and ultimately,
it may well, with your nurturance and care, come to life in a far more vibrant, full and expansive form than you would ever
have once dare to imagine.
**********
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom
**********
Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh
Choose with no regret
Continue to learn
Appreciate your friends
Do wht you love
Live as if this is all there is
If nothing else good had happened in my life except loving you, that would have been enough.
**********
The idea is to write so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and straight to the heart. -- Maya Angelou
**********
Take your heart. Fit it into a letter as best you can and send it to a friend to fill up their home with love.
**********
You are working on stayng open. Be gentle with yourself and let your heart lead the way. Your heart will light the path.
You are innocent. Let your fears float away like dust. turn towards the hurt places inside yourself and hold them. Comfort
your most unloved selves that need you. You are safe. All is well.
**********
Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others — for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for
you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.
**********
I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding,
leave you without guilt, criticize you without blaming and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, the
we can truly meet and enrich each other.
**********
A witch is someone who walks the wiccan path. I align myself with the seasons and the moons. I watch the world and learn
from it. it speaks to me in rhythms.
**********
What wound did ever heal but by degree?
**********
How old would we be if we didn't know our age?
**********
I see the world I've known flying past me and I just say — drive faster.
**********
I will come back as a little breeze. You will feel me on your face and you will kow that I'm still listening. So you can
still talk to me.
**********
This is from me to you. If we have to grow old, let's do it together.
**********
From: the woman who told you how great you'd be at this age.
To: the woman who proved me right
**********
This can be such a great gift that you shiver inside at the taking of it.
**********
Next to love, the most sacred gift a person can give is her labor.
**********
When you're given a brilliant child, you polish her and let her shine.
**********
I want you to have this in appreciation of all of the strength you have given me.
**********
Our house seems to breathe, to wipe its hands on its apron and welcome you in, inquiring immediately as to your spiritual
well-being.
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The Me Inside of Me Inside of Me Inside of Me
What do you call those little dolls that nest inside of one another, getting
smaller and smaller and smaller with each one that’s opened? Matryoshka?
I remember when I was just a little girl and I could not wait to grow up. I
wanted to have all the privileges of my older brothers and I wanted to look like my mother. I would gaze longingly at her
Estee Lauder cosmetics, anticipating the wonderful day when I would be able to brighten my lips and cheeks and darken my eyes.
I would look into the mirror, envisioning what I would look like when I would be a teenager.
I remember starting junior high and spending every penny I had on make-up at
the Newberry’s cosmetics counter. Who could afford Estee Lauder on a five dollar a month allowance? Besides, that was
for my mother’s generation. I was now a girl of the 60s. Liquid eyeliner was applied thickly to look like Cher. False
eyelashes were a must to look like Twiggy. I may have dreamed of red lipstick when I was child, but the lip color fashion
now was all about chalky, light colors – twilight pink, egyptian white, blushing peach. I spent hours in front of the
mirror, carefully applying the precious makeup that I was sure would transform me from ordinary kid to super model. Once so
proud of my curly, wavy hair – I now had to iron it every morning to achieve the mandatory straight look. I even tried
using a chemical straightener, but I didn’t rinse it out thoroughly enough. It literally fried the ends of my hair and
my mother, in one of her finest mothering hours, let me stay home from school and made an emergency appointment for me at
the hairdresser. She had to cut off about 3 inches of my hair and, even so, it still looked longer than it ever had because
it was unbelievably straight.
High school held new challenges as I really began to learn about being a woman.
That meant, of course, not only learning about make-up techniques, but learning how to cook, sew, and type, too. A woman could
go far in the world with those skills. I had the typical hardships of high school. Too many pounds to suit me since Twiggy
was still the standard. Too many zits to suit me, even though my complexion never gave me a huge amount of trouble. Too many
bad hair days, since these were the days before blow dryers, laminates, mousses, and gels. But lots of friends – both
guys and girls. Lots of tears, but lots of laughter, too. Hours in front of the mirror were spent analyzing and criticizing
every pore of my face. Great detail was taken to make sure I had plenty of make-up on, but that I never looked made up. Still
looking ahead, though – anxious to be an adult.
And then I was. Twenty years old and never more beautiful. And I felt beautiful.
When I was younger, looking in the mirror, I was always hoping to see someone else in there. But at 20, when I caught site
of my reflection in a mirror, I would smile both outwardly and inwardly. Pleased with myself. My body was ripe and smooth.
My long blond hair had learned to obey me when I was armed with electric curlers. My face was unblemished and unwrinkled.
I was happy to see my reflection. Happy to be me.
Now when I, at age fifty, look in the mirror, an entirely different person
appears. I see a woman who, when her hair shows roots, has lots of gray there. A woman who has lines around her mouth and
too much skin above her eyes. Her chin is a little soft at the edges. Her body is rounder, but try as she might, she cannot
bring herself to think of it as voluptuous. She
doesn’t look all that bad for her age. I do what I can to make her look better. I avoid fluorescent lights and opt for
candles when I can. I send her to her EFX machine every morning without fail. I make her lift weights. I don’t let her
eat meat, or eat too much of anything. Except chocolate, of course. And I am forever telling her to stand up straight.
The woman is me. She is also not me. She is like the nesting dolls with
all of the earlier me’s inside and fitted into one another. Sometimes I see the little girl playing hopscotch. Other
times I catch a glimpse of the teenager dressing up for a special date. Still other times, I see the beautiful bride slipping
a blue garter over a pretty leg. Sometimes I see the young mother playing and laughing with her little children.
I know that all these selves are still inside of me. Yet the rest of the world
sees me only as a middle-aged woman, someone who probably remembers Woodstock even if she wasn’t there (I do and I wasn’t),
who thinks earrings look better on ears than eyebrows or tongues (of course), who never did drugs (I used to, actually, but
now I find I can get the same effect by standing up really fast), and who doesn’t really know P. Diddy from Puff Daddy
(if those are even two different people).
Sometimes I want to say to the tired young mom pushing a stroller down the
street – Hey, even though I could be your mother, I’m you, too. I know how it feels to be wiped out, to wonder
how I’ll survive until naptime, to wish I could pass off the responsibility just long enough to go shopping without
a diaper and baby wipes in my purse.
I want to say to the girl shopping in the mall – Hey, I know I look old
and out of shape, but I know how it feels to want to be popular without knowing exactly how to achieve that, to have a crush
on a boy who has a crush on your friend, to be certain that your life would be over if anyone knew how you really felt inside.
I want to say to the girl walking to school with the pink backpack –
Hey, I’m not just an old lady with sagging jowls. I’m a girl like you. I know what it’s like to want people
to think I’m 11 or maybe even 12 instead of just 10.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and I see so much more than my reflection.
No doubt it would be mature to say that I wouldn’t want to be young again. Once was enough. That’s what most of
my friends say. Not me. If I could turn back the body clock, I would. But life is too full to spend time wishing for what
I can’t have. Even if no one else can see it, I’m enjoying being a little girl, a young mother, and a fifty-year-old
lawyer and at least a dozen other people rolled all into one.
She sings. She dances. She takes. She gives. She loves. She creates. She dissents. She enlivens. She sees. She grows.
She changes. She learns. She laughs. She sheds her skin. She bleeds on the pages of her life. She walks through walls. She
lives with intention.
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